Off to School

 I love fall.  The changing leaves, cooler temperatures, apples, pumpkins, clean notebooks and pencils all inspire me to make of a fresh start.  I still think of the year in terms of the school calendar.  That may be because my super-smart husband is entering his seventh (and final!) year of graduate school before entering an academic profession.

The school year took on a whole new meaning for me as of yesterday.  I dropped my first-born baby off for her very first day of school.  I swear we brought her home from the hospital just yesterday.  How did this happen?  Samuel must have sensed by neediness and compensated by insisting I rock him to sleep for his nap.  With no toddler holding his foot to her chest because, "his foot is my baby and I hug and kiss it" causing Samuel to squirm and giggle and fight sleep, he drifted off in no time.

As for Eleanora, she had a wonderful morning.  After some initial nervous clinging and crying, she got right down to the business of playing with all-natural toys, baking bread, listening to stories with handcrafted puppets, and playing outside (oh how I love you, Waldorf).  When I arrived to pick her up, she noticed me, then turned back to her circle of friends to calmly explain, "that's my Momma".  Way to play it cool, my dear.

"Lambie" was a mandatory companion for school today

Today was a much tougher morning.  From her first bite of pink pancakes (pureed beets + ricotta cheese = delicious and little girl friendly), she explained that "you stay at school with me today Momma, ok?".  Drop off was rough, rough, rough and left me standing outside her classroom door hiding tears behind my sunglasses listening to screams of, "Mooooomaaaaa!".  I forced myself to the car, while clinging to Samuel a little too tightly, and called Ben to convince me not to run back in and take her home.  

As tough as it is to be apart from Eleanora, it is such a gift to have the chance to miss her.  And as much as sweet Sammy loves his big sister, the one-on-one Momma time is so good for him too.  He is already vocalizing more, or maybe I just can hear him better in the quiet? 

I know that school will be good for Eleanora, good for Samuel, and good for all of us.  But right now, I'm counting the minutes until I scoop up my precious girl and bring her home.

Loving Touch

It's not easy being the little brother.

Sloppy Kisses

I often get caught up in the next thing.  Dreaming about our next house (and its green lush lawn), the ten thousand homemade lovelies I long to have the time and talent to create, planning details for the next big event.  I struggle to be perfectly content in the moment and be fully present in the precious fleeting childhood of my littles.  Why?  Why do I struggle to quiet my racing mind and just be?  To be fully engaged, to be fully present, to be fully available.

As a wise and wonderful friend admitted years ago, no one tells you that a lot of motherhood is boring.   

It's true the joys are endless, but sometimes the days feel endless too.

The first 5 times we read a new library book are fun, but reading number 2,876?  Boring.  Playing cars for billionth time?  Mind numbing.  Building the same exact tower of blocks again and again and again just to be knocked over?  Snooze fest.  I can feel myself checking out mentally.  I go to another place as my eyes glaze over and my body goes into autopilot.

Another lovely Momma friend and I have founded an "Anti-Apathy" support group.  We are bound and determined to fight the boredom and be engaged and fully present mothers.  Oh, but how I fail.  Time and again I fail.

The best way to bring me back?  A dose of the same medicine that caused my condition.  My sweet littles.  Yesterday, I lay on the floor in a stupor of exhaustion, boredom and frustration.  Samuel was busy crawling over, on and around me, content to have a personal jungle gym.  I was staring at the ceiling noting the strange shape of a lizard in the plaster while mentally counting the hours until bedtime.  Suddenly, a wet, open mouth was pressed against mine in a fit of giggles.  I snapped back to the land of the living and realized I was just given my first, uninitiated kiss by my little boy.  He pulled back, smiled at me, and kissed me over and over and over, both of us giggling all the while.  

Boring?  Not a bit.

Fluid Count

In the last 24 hours, I have cleaned the following...

"water"

As in "Momma, I made water in the potty", only this time it was in two other hard-to-clean locations.  Oh if only it were just water, my dear.

"stinkies"

Dubbed correctly by a very descriptive Eleanora.  Take my word for it, cloth diapers + diarrhea = doubly disgusting disaster

Upchuck

Bad news is he had just finished his bottle.  Good news is more landed on me than on the carpet.

This all accounts for SIX baths, mountains of laundry (thank you Lord for washable slipcovers), and one tired Momma.

It's a good thing they're so darn cute.

Lipstick?  Don't mind if I do.

Slayed

It was just one of those mornings after one of those nights.

Thunderstorms, torrential rains and a leaky diaper made our usually peaceful sleeper restless.

Morning brings the need for bedding to be washed.  A little girl with shockingly strong lungs is having a tantrum because beloved blankie has disappeared into the washing machine.  She is equally angry to be taking a very necessary shower.  All this while a fussy baby is crying for his nap.  I think back wistfully to the days my college roommate and I had a "no talking before coffee" policy.

I wrap the yelling, kicking child up in a towel and send her off with a stern warning to be quiet while I lay down the baby.  Later, I tiptoe out of the nursery and close the door behind me.  I steel myself for another battle with a decidedly stubborn two year old.  But as I turn the corner I see that the angry, screaming child is gone. Instead, my sweet girl is sitting cross-legged on the floor with a newly discovered library book in hand.

Read it to me, Momma?  Please?

I wrap the towel tighter around her bony little body and pull her onto my lap.  She turns, gives me a kiss and says,

Momma, you the best whole world.

With that, I am slayed.

Peaceful and Joyful

Each day is filled with so many fleeting and precious moments that I feel panic at their sheer volume.  I torture myself to better record, capture, and memorialize these snapshots of my family.  And I fail.  My frenzied brain seems to be coated with a non-stick surface that allows too much to slip away.  I fear Samuel pays the greater price.  Anecdotes of Eleanora dancing through the grocery store, introducing me to her imaginary friend "Quackaquack", or telling me Daddy is her best friend, are easier to capture and recount than the more subtle style of our sweet Samuel.

I want to remember...

the way he kicks his legs with glee every time I reach to pick him up from his crib

the sensation of his hot breath on my neck as he nuzzles up for comfort

his adorable giggle, directed at books, toys, and most often his sister

the way he quickly puts his thumb in his mouth nearly every time I carry him

his sweet voice cooing along while I sing his lullaby

his wriggles of joy as I lay him down to sleep and he finds his beloved stuffed hand, clutches a finger, and begins sucking his thumb

his easy smile brought on by seemingly nothing, that lights up the room

the look of determination and concentration as he propels himself, army-crawl style, toward the singular stone, crumb, or piece of lint that he will invariably attempt to ingest

the twinkle in his brilliant blue eyes when I catch his glance

Samuel is the embodiment of peace and joy, two traits I long for in greater measure.  He shows me day after day that being peaceful and joyful is not a state of circumstance, it is a state of mind.

KERITY, LA MAISON DES CONTES

A beautifully animated French film about a little boy who must learn to read to save the heroes of classic children's literature. Free admission and popcorn.  English dubbing for the littles.  An ending so sweet it brought me to tears.  A theatre full of clapping, joyous children.

A perfect first trip to the movies.

Bonus?  The film's English title is ELEANOR'S SECRET which convinced my decidedly adorable girl that the best children's film I've ever seen was made just for her.

After Eleanora's usual bedtime stories last night, she requested her bedside light be left on so she could read books herself.  How could we resist?  She obviously has some heroes to save.

Imagination

Imagination is an amazing thing.  The ordinary, the boring, the mundane all become magical within an instant.

Playing dress up is fun, but how much more fun is it to try to wear every article of dress-up gear all at once?

Playing in a pool filled with water?  Been there, done that.

Just eating dinner while looking adorable is soooo yesterday.  Eating dinner while playing peak-a-boo with white curtains?  Now that takes some imagination.

Imagination is not only for the littles in my life.  When I dread doing the dishes I like to imagine I am in the Olympics for dishwashing and my team is depending on me for the gold.  Bonus points for removing caked on scrambled eggs and dried up oatmeal.

I also dream of a backyard full of green, luscious grass that we can spread a homemade quilt (still obsessed) on and imagine animal shapes in the clouds.

For now, off the the Olympics I go.  I feel a world record in laundry folding coming on.

Happy Birthday, Baby Sammy

A year ago at this time, I was being whisked into emergency surgery, put under anesthesia, completely overwhelmed and in shock.

Fast forward to today and I am still in shock...

In shock that the tiny baby hooked to a ventilator, covered in tubes and wires, bruised and swollen is the healthy, beautiful little boy napping in his crib.

In shock that this little guy has overcome so much, and continues to amaze me everyday.

In shock that I am so so so blessed to be Momma to the sweetest, happiest, blonde-haired peanut.

I admit there are days that I am still angry, resentful, and just sad that we had such a rough start.  I hear about smooth deliveries without complication where the father is able to be present to witness the miracle of birth, and I am angry that I was scared and alone and without Ben for Samuel's delivery.  I look at healthy full-term babies, nursing without problems, not facing frequent visits to the neurologist, therapists, and developmental specialists, and I feel a seed of jealousy in the pit of my stomach.

But then, I look at this face...

And the anger, resentment, and jealousy disappear in an instant.  I wonder why we are so incredibly blessed with this perfect, amazing gift who overwhelms us with joy every day.  Given the choice, I wouldn't have it any other way.  The only thing I'd change is how fast this precious time is flying by.

Happy Birthday, Baby Sammy.  Please slow down this growing up business.  You're going waaaay too fast.

And remember, no one (NO ONE) loves you as much as your Momma.  Yes, your future wife will disagree, but I don't care.  I'll always be your Momma and you'll always be my Baby Sammy.  Even when you are old and gray.

Sweet Reese

Robbie is one of our dearest friends from college.  He has the sweetest heart, the kindest ways, and is an amazing friend.  Shortly before graduation and his move back to Washington state, he wrote each of his friends an individual letter expressing his genuine love.  He planned a group Christmas party, complete with gifts for everyone.  He was a groomsman in our wedding.  He married a fantastic and beautiful girl, Bre Ann, who through the magic of blogs, email, and facebook I consider a dear friend as well.  

They are the parents of an adorable little guy, Jase and an unbelievably gorgeous baby girl, Reese.  At nine months, Reese was diagnosed with a large brain tumor.  The tumor has been removed, and now this sweet little girl is facing months of chemo.

This precious family has been heavy on my heart.  Will you join me in sending prayers, good thoughts and love to the Gilfillans?

Heat Wave

triple digit temps + stir-crazy momma = outdoor bubble bath and lots of fun

Added bonus?

This shot of Samuel's adorable behind that I fully intend to show to his prom date.  

i heart obsession

Confession...I easily become obsessed (obsessed!) with things.  The latest:

1. lusting over vintage fabrics on etsy

2. stacks of quilting books from the library

3. these love bugs

Isn't obsession wonderful?

Back to Business

I've been waaaay behind on blogging the past month or so.  Between traveling, graduations, baptisms, party-planning, and more traveling it's been non-stop around here.  Now that we are settled and (mostly) caught up on laundry I have a moment to reflect on the crazy fun we've been having.

First a few pictures from before the trip that make me chuckle...

The first order of business on our trip was a celebration in honor of the conquering and very handsome high school graduate, Joel Peter Gibson.

Next up, two glorious days with my college suitemates in Ohio while Ben and his parents were rock star babysitters.  Oh, how I love these girls...  Time with them is always refreshing, inspiring, and therapeutic.  They are amazing women who I am so so sooooo blessed to have in my life.

I also got to spend some wonderful time with some other special women in my life, dear friends Beth and Adrienne.  They each made the trek to Erie from Pittsburgh with their young families in tow to spend time with  us.  We also had a wonderful (wonderful!) day in Grove City talking, shopping, and being kid-free.  I spent the drive back to Erie basking in the glow of sweet friendship, a silent car, and licking my fingers from a caramel candy bar...fab.u.lous.

We kicked it into party-mode and celebrated Samuel's baptism (or "they put water on Baby Sammy's head!" as Nora said) and early first birthday with lots of family.

Everything was yellow in honor of our mellow-fellow... lemonade bar, lemon chicken, lemon basil pasta salad, pineapple, yellow frosted cupcakes, yellow balloons, yellow pinwheels, and yellow candy.  (Thanks to Kirstin for the inspiration!).  Ben made a "yellow" playlist which featured, "Yellow Submarine", "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road", and "Mellow Yellow".

Our sweet mellow fellow celebrated by taking a nap, then doing a nosedive into a cupcake.

The rest of our trip was spent enjoying outside activities, playing in the grass (a novelty!), going to the beach, and enjoying the non-sweltering temperatures of glorious PA summer weather.

Ode to the Weekend

Why I've loved our weekends recently (prior to 'Snifflefest '2011')

...sweet family time at an organic pizza shop (and we only broke one dish)

...adoring those kissable cheeks

...playing

..."cheese"ing

...and the surest cure for the Sunday night blues. Weekly Sunday night dinner at Nataliam's!

Now that we are all finally over this nasty cold we are ready to rejoin the world of sniffle-free people!

Light at the End of the Tunnel

It's been a rough little stretch around the house lately.  Between allergies, a nasty cold that we all are fighting, and 4 (FOUR!) teeth coming in all at once for Samuel, we have had many sleepless nights.  Through the haze of sleep-deprivation, cold medication, and wiping endlessly runny noses there is a bright spot.  As of yesterday afternoon, Ben has officially completed his comprehensive oral exams and is nearly done with his PHD!  He has finished all of his course work and requirements except for his dissertation.  He has successfully defended his dissertation proposal, so he's getting close on that front as well.  The light at the end of the tunnel is growing brighter!

Eleanora is obsessed with kites.  She has been talking about flying a kite for months.  Lucky for her, the Easter bunny brought her a kite of her very own.  A couple of weeks ago, before the never-ending cold and teething season hit us, we made a family trip to the park to try out the lovely ladybug kite.

 "Be careful, Mr. Ladybug! Not too high!"

 Samuel is less interested in the kite than the grass, a rare site in Tucson!

 "I gots a boo-boo.  You tiss it, Daddy?"

 Reprimanding her hair for blowing in her face..."No my hair! No wind blowin'!"

Enjoying a post-bath snuggle with Natalie who spent the night while Liam was traveling. When asked how her sleepover with Na-Na was she replied, "Vewy special"