Happy Birthday, Baby Sammy

A year ago at this time, I was being whisked into emergency surgery, put under anesthesia, completely overwhelmed and in shock.

Fast forward to today and I am still in shock...

In shock that the tiny baby hooked to a ventilator, covered in tubes and wires, bruised and swollen is the healthy, beautiful little boy napping in his crib.

In shock that this little guy has overcome so much, and continues to amaze me everyday.

In shock that I am so so so blessed to be Momma to the sweetest, happiest, blonde-haired peanut.

I admit there are days that I am still angry, resentful, and just sad that we had such a rough start.  I hear about smooth deliveries without complication where the father is able to be present to witness the miracle of birth, and I am angry that I was scared and alone and without Ben for Samuel's delivery.  I look at healthy full-term babies, nursing without problems, not facing frequent visits to the neurologist, therapists, and developmental specialists, and I feel a seed of jealousy in the pit of my stomach.

But then, I look at this face...

And the anger, resentment, and jealousy disappear in an instant.  I wonder why we are so incredibly blessed with this perfect, amazing gift who overwhelms us with joy every day.  Given the choice, I wouldn't have it any other way.  The only thing I'd change is how fast this precious time is flying by.

Happy Birthday, Baby Sammy.  Please slow down this growing up business.  You're going waaaay too fast.

And remember, no one (NO ONE) loves you as much as your Momma.  Yes, your future wife will disagree, but I don't care.  I'll always be your Momma and you'll always be my Baby Sammy.  Even when you are old and gray.